dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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