Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
pop tarts are not kleenex
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
