Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
