I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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