i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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