I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
