She's JV to your varsity
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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