if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
