she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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