Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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