Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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