Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize
