the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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