Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
