I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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