I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
the raccoons are back...
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