ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I forget how to act sober
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
