It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
