ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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