I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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