my sisters under your porch take her home
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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