I faked an abortion last night.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
