So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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