...so i touched it.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Randomize
