She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
