I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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