dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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