I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
