I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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