Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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