You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
