Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
