I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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