i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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