he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
