My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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