OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
