and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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