I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
