bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
