Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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