The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
