I CAN MOONWALK!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
