my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
