Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
