If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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