just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
