AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
