Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
