giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
