I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
