My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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